I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
