it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
