i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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