Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
