I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
