dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
