I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
