I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
