My friends, they love my intelligence
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
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