Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
even my farts smell like vagina
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
