Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
