Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
and i looked up. we had an audience...
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Randomize
