o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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