I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
and she was petting her beer can
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Is it penis luge time yet?
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize