a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
