But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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