oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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