is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
