ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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