he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Randomize
