so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Still dying that you shit outside
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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