I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
