I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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