I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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