if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Come on in and take your pants off
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