New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
