It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Randomize
