i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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