What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
