On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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