Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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