seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
