gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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