I murdered the dance floor call the cops
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
