I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
