that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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