yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
