Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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