i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
