Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
