I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Randomize
