Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
