Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
