I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
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