I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
