I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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