Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
