Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
