if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
