I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
