He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
