considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
