We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Randomize
