They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
